dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
