as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
