too bad you live with your parents still
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
