She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
