It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
