I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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