I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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