You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
