We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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