Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
