This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Please don't give away my fajitas
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