why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
