woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
