I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
