I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
