He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
where are my pants?
in the oven.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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