wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
