Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
