If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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