well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You pole danced in your parka.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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