look no pants
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
