Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
