he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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