I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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