1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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