grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
