So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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