Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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