i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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