so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
