Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
