Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
