Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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