I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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