We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
