I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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