OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
