I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
either way he was missing a nipple.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
