Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
