Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
