i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
