He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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