So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
