96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
