Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize