pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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