Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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