physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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