We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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