Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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