i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
