it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
