Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize