My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
