just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
