A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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