i think my mom watched the whole time
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
