Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
