Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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