I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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