weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
